The Be-All and End-All

“And it shall be in that day, says the Lord, that you will call Me Ishi [my Husband]” (Hos. 2:16, AMP).

I have little patience for the idea that marriage is the be-all and end-all, that singleness is somehow “less than,” and that singles are to be pitied because they cannot know the joy of an intimate relationship. Anyone who believes such things has never known God as Husband.

Those who know me might wonder how I can speak authoritatively on the subject of singleness since I’ve been married pretty much my whole adult life. However, for 23 years I was what you might call a married single: legally bound but spouseless in every other way. This prompted a desperate search for intimacy with God.

God is knowable in a million ways—as Savior, Friend, Warrior, Provider, Lion, Lamb, and so on, endlessly. To those who long for intimacy (and does that not include the whole human race?), He will show Himself as Lover and Husband. In my search for intimacy, I discovered that God’s love for me was far more vast than I could have imagined. It was all-consuming and flawless. I was head over heels and experienced the giddiness, devotion, and desire to please that a woman feels when she falls deeply in love.

But what about things like physical touch and audible conversation? Granted, these elements aren’t possible in a love affair with one’s Creator, and yes, I longed for them. And yet God continued to fulfill and refresh me, just like the prophet described: “The Lord will . . . satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden” (Isa. 58:11, NIV). God’s cosmic love knocked the wind out of me again and again. As He spoke to my heart, through His Word or through music or beauty or books or sunlight, He calmed me and energized me. There were times when the joy was almost unbearable.

We human beings get into trouble when we act out of desperation but fail to realize that intimacy with our Creator is what we’re desperate for. Even the finest human relationship is, at best, temporary and flawed, a mere glimpse of what’s to come. This is not to minimize the importance and validity of marriage and other vital human relationships; it’s only to say that we’re limited by our humanness and won’t be wholly, permanently satisfied until we’re with the great Lover for eternity. Therefore, our appetite for intimacy (that is, for God) is insatiable, and this is right and good.

I’m hopelessly in love with my husband, Kenny. In fact, I can’t imagine that two people could be more perfect for each other than we are, and yet my heart still aches for the bliss and beauty of my most intimate moments with God. I realize that this feeling will never end, nor should it—nor is it any reflection on my sweet, beloved man that I still long for more of my eternal Beloved. As lovely as married life can be, it’s not the conclusion of the matter. Even the kindest, most noble spouse is finite, flawed, and broken. God is infinite; His love is perfect and limitless, and no less available to the single woman than to the married one. In describing this infinite love, psalmist Steffany Frizzell said it best: “[Jesus] could love me more in a moment than other lovers could in a lifetime.”