Peace

Phil. 4:7

Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

About ten years ago, I had a heart attack--a story I’ll share with you soon. For now, suffice it to say that the Lord wasn’t finished with me and I was back at the gym in a week. However, on one of the X-rays taken during that episode, my doctor discovered a spot on my lung. He didn’t like the looks of it but opted to put his suspicions on the back burner since we had a heart attack to deal with. When I finally went in for tests on my lung, I felt the raw, nauseating fear that accompanies such an experience. But it was quickly replaced with a peace unlike anything I'd felt before. The following entry is from the journal I was keeping at the time:

 

Had a cat scan this evening. I spent several grueling hours at the hospital. The technician stuck me with needles three times—he said my veins were still collapsing from the Heparin. I was shot full of dye, too, for the second time in nine days. After the scan, the technician showed me the picture of the spot in my lung. I was shocked and disappointed that it was there at all.

“They may want to do a needle biopsy,” he said.

Biopsy? I thought--then scrambled for reassurance. “This could still be something harmless, right?” I asked. He looked skyward and said yes. Unconvincingly.

I know my life doesn’t rest in the hands of men and their opinions or even their diagnoses, but I felt blindsided all over again. 

But then I realized something: Satan has overplayed his hand. You know what he’s been doing lately? Over and over again, he’s been slamming me right into the arms of Jesus. He's like a bully who has shoved me as hard as he can, inadvertently propelling me into my big brother’s chest—oomph. I’m a bit breathless but utterly safe.

Whom have I but You, Lord? Where it all begins, I have no one but You. Every moment, every breath in between--no one but You. Where it all ends, there will be no one but You.

This is, in a way, such an excruciatingly beautiful place, that when the Lord has delivered me from this fire I may beg Him to put me back in! Why? Because He’s in here with me and we are dancing through the flames. How can it be that I’m facing what is dreaded by men and women and yet I am to be envied? I’m the richest of women in the midst of my poverty.

As I lay in the hospital room after my heart attack, and again during the scare with my lung, there were times of exquisite sweetness, victory within pain like honey from heaven. Satan’s devices served to sink me deeper into Jesus—I won’t even say “into His presence” but into Him, where every good thing exists.

How about you? Have you experienced the sweetness of God in the middle of crisis? Has Satan been overplaying his hand lately?