Yesterday I did either a very, very brave thing or a very, very dumb thing. All I know for sure is that I want to follow God, no matter what that looks like.
A year and a half ago, Kenny quit his perfectly good job so he could devote himself full-time to Manna Cafe. Because it was such a leap of faith for us--after all, our income was cut in half--we called it his "bungee jump." Yesterday, I'm the one who jumped. I put in my two weeks notice even though there is no steady, full-time job waiting for me. I've felt it coming. God's been preparing me, hinting that He's about to do something that'll go against everything that's logical, safe, and familiar.
I'm scared to death and yet I'm not. This isn't the first time I've done something that, in the natural, looked foolish or downright crazy. God brought me through those other times--not unscathed, but far stronger and wiser. I've never regretted following Him into the great unknown--and yet it's still not easy. It's still really frightening. I don't trust my own judgement. I've made some very bad choices in my past, and so I tend to second-guess my decisions and doubt my ability to hear God. He didn't speak to me about this in a booming voice. He spoke in whispers and nudges. He didn't give me a burning bush, although I sure wanted one.
Right now, there are countless "what-if's" and doubts and even occasional moments of sheer panic. Yet there's also a peace that comes from knowing that my Beloved has got my back. I'm more dependent on Him at this moment than I've ever been in my life, and that can only be good thing.
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