I Don't Know How to Love Him

For some reason I've had the song "I Don't Know How to Love Him" from Jesus Christ Superstar stuck in my head, so I YouTubed it, and it messed me up all over again. I think many women struggle with something very similar to what's portrayed in that scene. We don't know what to do with the feelings that Jesus stirs up in us when we let down our guard, and that scares us to death.

Mary's dilemma is that she senses that Jesus is no ordinary man, so she has to keep reminding herself of the "truth": "He's a man; He's just a man." Of course, we know better. We know He's God in the flesh. Still, we can to Mary when she asks, "Don't you think it's rather funny I should be in this position? I'm the one who's always been so calm, so cool." Jesus completely unnerves Mary. She's madly in love with the one who has rescued her from herself and from the abuse of men. She's desperate to rein in her emotions, but love is winning.


Mary is lovesick, and there is no cure.


Our dilemma is a mirror reflection of Mary's. We know that Jesus is God. We know that He's NOT a mere man; He's perfect and holy, and thus He deserves the utmost respect. Yet He's radically changed us just like He did Mary. We "don't how to take this" any more than she does. Just like Mary, we ask, "Should I scream and shout, let my feelings out? I never thought I'd come to this. What's it all about?" The moment we let down our defenses, He comes rushing into our personal space, inciting emotions that we thought were reserved for fairy tales--devotion and passion, the compulsion to follow Him anywhere. Suddenly we're tempted to "turn our head and back away." It's' unnerving to feel this strongly about God. We get flustered; we feel foolish. Surely it's good and right to be quiet and reverent in the presence of God, but moved to tears? Heaven forbid we should find ourselves laughing or dancing or lifting our hands or forfeiting our dignity and composure in some other way.


And yet we hear Him--this God-Man, this Man-God, wooing us, saying, "I love you. I love you. I love you."


Lord, forgive us for putting more importance on maintaining our composure than loving You as extravagantly as we can. Forgive us for keeping You at arm's length when all You want from us is our unrestrained passion. Forgive us for drawing boundaries with You instead of letting You into our personal space to do what You want.


Check it out for yourself: The first link is the original version, the second is more recent. I couldn't choose between the two. Which is your favorite?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18GTVeXNWfg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLkO-yHbe5Y